Friday, July 20, 2012
I want to kiss you/Does he want you with the pain that I do/I smell you in my dreams/But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye/No time no friendship no love/Don't say don't touch you/I can't touch you no more/Can't touch you any more any more/I don't touch you anymore
Evening to all you amazing people out there. As always I hope this finds you happy, healthy and safe.
I have been thinking of you all alot lately. I have started so many posts to you all but have fallen short in having anything good to share. Lets hope this one makes it to the light of day.
In just under 2 weeks it will be 10 years since that faithful day that I said 3 words thats changed my life: I am gay. In all honesty it was actually 5 words (said in true buffy fashion): I think I'm kinda gay. The first just has more power. It was one of the more terrifying and liberating moments I have ever experienced (followed closely by buying my first 3 piece suit!) In the last 10 years I have been able to grow from that timid little baby butch into the confident suave boi/butch I am today. It has been a bumpy ride and at times I was not sure the fight was worth it but despite everything I survived.
I don't hide who I am ever. I wear my men's suit with pride daily, swagger in my step, head high. I don't make excuses for my life and expect respect from those around me. I don't feel, in todays day and age, that I have to be anything other than myself. So you can understand my surprise and disbelief to learn that my mother at no point in the last 10 years has felt it is important to tell my family that her oldest daughter is a happy, healthy lesbian. She would rather tell my family that my sister is dating a doctor more than 15 years her senior who has 3 children and who my sister very possibly destroyed his marriage. (well my mom doesn't really talk about the ruining of the marriage but everything else is fair game.) My dating women is so shamefull that adultery so more socially acceptable... WOW! I can't help but feel a little insulted. (You should have seen my face when I found out!)
Where have we fallen short in life? Why is it that having a gay child is still something viewed as shameful. Personally I am not hurting anyone by loving someone with the same anatomy. As far as I am concerned as long as I am healthy, happy and respected then their really shouldn't be any issue. Frankly, I shouldn't be loved any less because I am a lesbian. I don't expect my family to understand me, they never have and never will, however I do expect them to be proud of my successes and that includes a healthy relationship.
So parents who may be reading this. Love your gay kids. Don't risk alienating them and possibly loosing them because you think this is a choice or a punishment for something you or they did. We aren't all that different from you...